What Not to Say to a Mom with a Seriously or Terminally Ill Child

I came across this article today by Rachel Carpenter http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1645757/what_not_to_say_to_a_mom_with_a_seriously_pg3.html?cat=25 and it is so true. These are things you should not say to a mom of a seriously ill child.
#1 "No matters what happens. it's God's will. [sic]"
#2 "I just know he/she will get better."
#3 "Are you needing help?"
#4 "I know exactly how you feel. My baby was in the hospital with RSV last year."
#5 "I had a friend go through this too. It was really tough for them, and now the child has lifelong disabilities."
#6 "I just don't know how you do it."
#7 "You need to relax. You need to be strong for your other children."

I definately get #6 a lot. I don't know how I do it either. Many days I want to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head, but I can't. There are feedings to do, appointments to make and go to, and kids to feed. If I looked pulled together it is because I rely on Diet Dr. Pepper and try really hard not to cry in front of my kids.

Occasionally, I get #3, and as the article points out, it is difficult to say 'yes' to the phrasing of that particular question. YES! YES! I always need help. It is horrible dragging 3 kids to an appointment, especially to offices that aren't kid friendly (most), have small rooms (many), it is an appointment where I actually need to hear what the doctor is saying (typically), or they run a couple of hours behind schedule (much more than one). I could definately use someone to cook us a meal that is low lactose (O), kiwi-free (M), peanut, egg, nut-free, etc. (Talli), low protein & low fat (Talli), and high protein & low carb (me). Meal planning is enough to want to crawl under the covers as mentioned above. ;).

A reminder to always check...

I know that everything should be checked with Talli: verify medicatins are correct, the right formula is given, packages of food are checked for allergens, IV fluids are correct, etc., etc.,

A couple of years ago, she was in the hospital and TPN had been ordered. It was a non-modified amino acid version, the kind anyone else would get. Some visitors were leaving when the IV bag was hung and as I walked them to the door, I checked the bag. The protein count on the bag wasn't what I had expected, so I alerted a nurse. The pharmacist had made a mistake and 24 hours worth of protein was in a bag to run for 4 hours. I am sure that no long term damage would have been done, but it likely would have prolonged her stay. Everyone was very nice and apologetic over the mistake and a new bag was sent up within the hour.

Yesterday, Talli got her delivery of some Energy Options candy bars. She has been eating a lot lately and we had run out of the mint and while chocolate versions. Energy Options candies are made to be completely protein free and are peanut and tree-nut free. To foster her indepenence, we usually have the bars in a designated place for her. Instread of having the imprint of "Energy Options" on the bar, it said "PhenylAde". Appled Nutrition makes both Energy Options candy and a bar called PhenylAde that is an amino acid modified food to replace formula for someone with PKU. The bar contains 10g protein equivalant, lacking only phenylalanine. So if Talli ate one, she would be getting 100% of her protein for the day.

The bars are getting sent back to the manufacturer, so they can verify where the problem lies. Is this actually a PhenylAde bare that got into an Energy Options package and box or an Energy Options bar with the wrong imprint. It was a reminder that everything does needs to be checked before it goes into Talli to keep her as well as she is.

I did check all of the mint ones by pressing through the wrapper to read the imprint on the bar.